I started blogging after college hoping to hold on to a feeling I can best describe as fire that I had experienced in school. People, classes, places, etc. melted my mallow. It was the best! Post college, 2008/2009 economy in the gutter, a job that was less than interesting and a path that was less than clear, I started blogging as an exercise to stay engaged in something interesting and creative. I loved it and did it steadily for a couple of years. Jusssst about the time people starting really making bookoos of money doing it is about the time I switched paths. Well, darn. Ha.
And while I hesitate to say that I put the blog on hold because I was busy, It’s true. It just may not be the whole truth.
Yes, I had 2 businesses, 2 babies, 2 moves, and a list of other things that did not come in pairs. I also thought about blogging again many more times than 2.
So what was stopping me? That’s the rest of the truth, the truth of the mallow…the heart of the mallow? No pun available? Moving on…
Yes there was the fact that I no longer really knew how to do the back-end part. (Still walking down struggle street in this department.) And yes that sometimes my hands are full (babies).
But what kept me from doing it more often than I’d like to admit? I’m going to have to say… I was afraid.
What if I say the wrong thing? What if someone makes fun of me? What if it’s not as cool as all the other blogs? Is it embarrassing?
And when I was on probably my 20th “What if” I was faced the facts: I was turning into a peep about it!!
But I realized, this is exactly how it happens! It all seems fine, because on the surface everything is bueno, but overtime, there are some sneaky robbers who can infiltrate your system. Fear is one of those. It creeps in and starts stealing things from you while you’re not paying attention. Or while you’re focused somewhere else. (Other things work this way too- anxiety, bitterness, anger to name a few all-stars) And before you know it, you’ve become complicit to the very thing you should be combatting on the reg, every day. I mean what? Clever, but corrupt!
So, remember how if you think with both hands something can be simple and complicated at the same time? File this there. Fear isn’t simple. But, when I realized that one of the side-effects was being afraid of blogging again, I was left with one option as a potential remedy: fire up my computer and let’s get toasty again. It may be all the things I was afraid of it being, but most days it is melting my mallow, so I’ll just rest there and enjoy it. And I hope you will do the same.